he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My bed smells like the plague
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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