My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
one might say we're banned from that church
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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