Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
