Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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