The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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