I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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