taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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