mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
