i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
