if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
