I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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