everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
