Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
