I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
