remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
