Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize