I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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