She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
