let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize