i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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