Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
