He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
