My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
