I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish you could order shots online.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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