just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
