She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
