Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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