you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
