I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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