Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
