You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
