So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
