you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize