He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
