I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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