Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
