he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
50% drunk capacity currently
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize