I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
