last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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