i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
