please come you make the beer taste better
Acid is not a monday night drug
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
