I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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