Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
