She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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