i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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