You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
