saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
