So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
