I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
