i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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