I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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