My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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