i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize