Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
