Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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