I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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