Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Farmville is her only friend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My dick has a subreddit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
