Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
