the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
