Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
