how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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