i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
