Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
