If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
